I’ll explain more about this later, but for the moment, here is my list –

1. Visit America’s Stonehenge
2. Lose 20 pounds
3. Finish NaNoWriMo for the third time in November 2009
4. Learn to read Tarot cards without a book
5. Buy some girl clothes
6. Finish the edits on my manuscript
7. Query 3 agents and 3 publishers
8. Buy 3 girly pocketbooks
9. Get a Celtic player’s autograph
10. Participate in a fundraising walk
11. Get a professional massage & a mani/pedi
12. Do 3 random acts of kindness
13. Start belly dancing again
14. Write for 15 minutes a day
15. Walk for 15 minutes a day
16. Start my own local homeschool group
17. Go on a date with Jim once a month
18. Learn to operate a motorcycle
19. Write a letter to each child, Jim and my mom, and mail them
20. Do the writing prompts for my writing group each month

Coming soon to this space – all the old entries of “Confessions of an Internet G33k” from my former blog on the Portsmouth Herald website.  Then, who knows – maybe I’ll be inspired to write some new ones… in my copious free time, of course…  *grin*

I have fans.

I have people that I begged, blackmailed, or otherwise bothered into reading my blog and I’m happy to say that so far the report has been favorable. On that other forum I talked about in my last entry (Red Vs Blue), I’ve also gotten some positive feedback. However, I don’t feel that I’m accomplishing my mission. While entertaining everyone is a noble deed in and of itself, I still hope to do more. So to get the cyber ball rolling, this fictional geek is going to come up with some fictional people asking my advice, and I will dispense such gems of factual wisdom that all of you, my faithful readers, will jump at the chance to ask your own questions.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear Internet Geek,

I know you in real life, and you’re so different on this blog – why is that? ~ J from Somersworth

Dear J (almost slipped and called you “John” *wink*),

As I mentioned in my “About” section, I’m fictionalizing this so my family and friends will still speak to me. There is the real person that you know who is writing this, but I’m using the identity of Internet Geek to allow me the freedom to write from the perspective of other geeks I’ve met along the way. If you promise not to tell anyone, I was partially inspired by the web serial, “The Diary of V“, that appeared on the Redbook website a few years ago. For the longest time, no one knew who “V” was… then it was gradually revealed that V was a fictional person written by the now successful Debra Kent. Think of this Internet Geek persona as my alter-ego… or my first step towards needing a room at the Pavilion.

*~*~*

Dear Internet Geek,

Okay, if you’re so good at finding things on the internet, there was this guy in Lord of the Rings named Martin something-or-other, and I’d swear he was also in the series, “Xena: Warrior Princess” but I can’t for the life of me remember who he played. ~ G from Dover

Dear G,

I love trivia questions like this! For the answer, I turned to my beloved Internet Movie Database (IMDb for short). A quick search of Lord of the Rings reveals that your guy’s name is Marton Csokas, and he did indeed play two characters on Xena – Khrafstar and Borias. He’s also done numerous guest appearances on other shows such as BeastMaster, Cleopatra 2525, and the sorely missed Farscape.

*~*~*

Dear Internet Geek,

I got this awesome email from the woman who used to baby-sit for my next door neighbor’s brother’s kids. It says that if I forward it to 30 of my closest friends, then Bill Gates will send me money! Can I get your email address so I can get you in on this? ~T from Rochester

Dear T,

Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I’ll pass. According to my favorite myth debunker snopes.com, variations of this email have been floating around the ‘net since 1997. In all that time, no one has received:

~ any money from Bill Gates, Microsoft, or AOL
~ gift certificates from Applebees, Old Navy, or Outback Steakhouse
~ free cars, clothes, or champagne

However, go right ahead and forward that snopes link to everyone in your address book. I doubt it will change anything, but if there’s the chance that even one person will think twice before clicking “Forward” on the latest gas boycott, it will be worth it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Now it’s your turn – please feel free to pass along your cyber conundrums either in the comment section, or by email and I will do my best to help you surf to your solutions.

~ I.G.

(Comments from original posting on BlogTheCoast.com)

Dear IG,

Manny from Orlando
Posted by: Manny at September 12, 2005 01:02 PM

Dear Manny from Orlando,

~I.G.
Posted by: InternetGeek at September 12, 2005 01:10 PM

Dear Internet Geek

athens from Scotland
Posted by: athens at September 12, 2005 02:04 PM

Dear athens from Scotland,

~ I.G.
Posted by: InternetGeek at September 12, 2005 02:31 PM

Dear IG,

Heart, A devoted fan.
Posted by: ashlan at September 12, 2005 08:07 PM

Have you ever had to deal with an obnoxios girl that talks to much and just babbles endlessly about the stupidest things that you could really give a flying rat’s butt about in the first place ?
Posted by: SurferGirl at September 13, 2005 02:02 AM

Dear devoted fan,

Seriously, if Hollywood ever comes knocking, I’ll tell you where to send your head shot and resume. Are your sure the commute from down under won’t be a problem?
Posted by: InternetGeek at September 13, 2005 11:40 AM

I wonder if you can tell me if there is any good reason why the medical professionals in the United States have seen fit not to allow labouring women the use of nitrous oxide when we in the rest of the world use it regularly and mostly give birth with no other type of anaesthesia?

Jo from CT
Posted by: Jo at September 13, 2005 12:37 PM

Dear SurferGirl,

Yes, I’ve encountered many people like that during my years online. Luckily there are people out there with natural exuberance who make up for it (yes, I’m talking about you, silly girl! *grin*).
Posted by: InternetGeek at September 13, 2005 01:08 PM

Dear Jo from CT,

That being said, there have been studies done in the British Medical Journal that showed when nitrous oxide was given to the mother, “the child was five and one-half times more likely to become an amphetamine addict than a brother or sister born to the same parents.” (cited at FindArticles). Just FYI (For Your Information). (EDIT on February 23, 2008 to apologize again to Jo for freakin’ her out – sorry, dear!)
Posted by: InternetGeek at September 13, 2005 01:55 PM

Dear IG,

Matt from RvB
Posted by: TheSwmnCello at September 14, 2005 10:43 AM

Dear Matt from RvB,

~I.G.
Posted by: InternetGeek at September 14, 2005 12:14 PM

I have a boyfriend.

Okay, so he’s married. And has two adorable little girls. Oh, and he lives about a gazillion miles away, and we’ve never met in person. But that doesn’t stop us from e-flirting. Now before you label me as a cyber-slut, I feel I should explain a bit.

Back a few years ago, my boyfriend introduced me to this insidious PC game called, “Halo“. Since we each had our own computer, we were able to play online games together, and met some very interesting people on the server during our many, many hours of play. During one rather amusing game, someone with the handle of “Cab00seLvR” mentioned this awesome web series called “Red vs Blue“. We downloaded a few of the episodes, and were immediately hooked.

For those of you not familiar with this FPS (first person shooter) game, I’ll try to explain in twenty five words or less. The part of the game that the web series is based on involves two different teams – the Red and the Blue. They each have their own base, complete with a team flag, and the object is to get the other team’s flag and return to your base without getting shot, sniped, blown up, or run over. The demi-gods at Rooster Teeth Productions got the brilliant idea of putting characters and voices to the generic grunt figures, and created a number of three to five minute long episodes based on what these people would do or say if they were real.

The series spawned a website, which in turn spawned a community – similar in many ways to the LiveJournal crowd since each member has their own profile and “blog”, but different in so many, wonderful, geeky ways. I have people on my FL (Friends List) between the ages of 16 and 60, and in just the past year we’ve shared milestones such as the impending birth of a child, death of a parent, marriage, divorce (luckily not the same friends), death of a child, catastrophic illness, and now the community has pulled together once again to help with hurricane relief in ways too numerous to mention.

Being the RL (real life) flirt that I am, I began e-flirting with some of the people on my FL. Harmless stuff, and it’s never crossed the line into, “U r so hawt, show me ur b00bs, wanna cyber s3x?”, so it didn’t negatively effect any of our RL relationships. In fact, my ex used to get a kick out of how many e-boyfriends I had on the site (he’s a member too, but needless to say he’s no longer on my FL).

Oops, my e-boyfriend just logged back in and is PMing (Private Message) me. BRB (be right back)! *grin*

~I.G

(Comments from original posting on BlogTheCoast.com)

Kudos! Another great blog!
Posted by: Jo on September 9, 2005 02:40 PM

Keep up the good work.
Posted by: debaser on September 9, 2005 05:41 PM

hee, awesome:) a fantastic first entry!
Posted by: ashlan on September 9, 2005 09:27 PM

Brilliant!
Posted by: athens on September 10, 2005 04:51 AM

I am a geek.

More accurately, I am a g33k (yes, I know that ” l33t Speak” is so five minutes ago, but it fits). I am a single woman in my mid-thirties who owns an Xbox, multiple Gmail accounts, and my own domain name. I am known to my friends and family as “The Google Queen”, and I have more cyber friends than I do RL (real life) acquaintances. I spend a great deal of time online, and have been known to talk about conversations I’ve had with people from all over the world as if I’d just been having drinks with them at the Scoreboard. I see my job at the bookstore as a necessary evil, because Comcast won’t accept “mod points” in exchange for my high speed access. I know what ctrl-alt-del is and I’m not afraid to use it (and I love the web comic of the same name to boot).

Please, don’t look so alarmed. Most people would not guess to look at me that I’m so far gone. I’m about five and a half feet tall, average build, with my eyes as my best feature. I’m a jeans and tee-shirt kind of girl, but I do like to dress up when the occasion calls for it. I was in a serious relationship for about a decade, which is part of the reason I’m living in the Seacoast area now – I moved here because my boyfriend wanted a new start, and couldn’t stand living in Massachusetts for one second longer. Little did I know at the time that part of his new start included becoming a bachelor again. *sigh*

I have a small apartment that is large enough for me, my collections (books, DVDs, CDs, books, games, action figures, books, and even… *gasp*… a few albums… oh, did I mention books?), my computer and my cat Jobi.

My clock is ticking so loudly that I’m surprised no one has called in the bomb squad. I’m at that joyous age where I start timetabling relationships before they even start, trying to figure out how to get kidlets squeezed in before the expiration date on my eggs. An example of a recent internal conversation…

Well, if Jason from work decides to ask me out, and things go well over the fall, then we could probably move in together by the spring, get engaged, and plan for a fall 2006 wedding. That would still leave me with three years to get pregnant before I hit forty – plenty of time!

So I’m planning to have babies with some guy whose last name is a mystery to me (did I mention he just started work yesterday?) based on the fact that he is male, not ugly, and has a job. Of course, my original goal was kidlets by the age of thirty, but my darling ex pretty much blew that plan out of the water.

I hope this blog will help change the image of what people typically think of when they hear the phrase “internet geek”, and maybe along the way I can serve as a cyber-tour guide to others.

~I.G.

(Comments from original posting on BlogTheCoast.com)

You are quite the Google Queen!
Posted by: Manny on September 7, 2005 11:19 AM

Thank you, Manny dear. I even have a plaque somewhere to prove it…
Posted by: InternetGeek on September 7, 2005 01:33 PM

I agree with Manny, you are the Google Queen….*bows down to your greatness*Posted by: G4m3r on September 7, 2005 04:10 PM

I’m anxiosly awaiting further posts.
Posted by: debaser on September 7, 2005 04:47 PM

Oh wow! I love the “internal conversation” in this blog! I may be young, but it reminded me of myself, which b/c I’m young is probably not a good thing. HaHa But besides that I love that the “Internet Geek” is a girl and I’m really excited about reading your stuff! Good luck
Posted by: Seacoast’s Girl Next Door on September 7, 2005 06:51 PM

Top banana! Can’t wait for more. Go go Google Queen!Posted by: Jo on September 8, 2005 10:37 AM

Looking forward to the posts in here…I’ll be checking back often.
Posted by: Bruce Allen on September 8, 2005 01:45 PM